Oak & Rose Library: Kindergarten Moms

All the answers I wish I had last year.

Welcome to Oak & Rose Library, your place to learn and grow in the Land of Oaks and Roses. * If you’ve been here for awhile, yes, I renamed this series! What do you think?

This time last year Penelope was about to start Kindergarten, and I was freaking out! She was going from a small preschool filled with familiar faces to what felt like a huge school filled with strangers. So many strangers. And some of them as big as 5th graders! It felt insane.

That’s why I’m especially excited to share this interview with you. Brooke Rogosin is a seasoned educator who has been teaching Kindergarten for 14 years! She holds two master’s degrees — one in Early Childhood Education and another in Literacy Education — and is a founding member of her school on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. She’s also my mom friend. Our kids were in the same Kindergarten class last year! Her dual perspective as a teacher, and a mom who just went through this herself, makes her such a valuable resource for us. I asked Brooke all the questions I wish I’d had answers to last year. And keep reading for the 10 things I most want you to know.

Meet Brooke!

Olivia: I want to start on a positive note because there's so much worry around Kindergarten! I get it. I remember it. But what are some of the best things our kids gain from going to Kindergarten?

​​Brooke: Where do I start? Kindergarten is a pivotal year in a child’s development. Not only do children learn to read, write, and acquire early mathematical concepts, they learn how to be a citizen in a more academic environment. In Kindergarten, children will be exposed to diverse learners, gain empathy as they begin to see outside themselves, and hone their social and emotional communication skills. In regards to academics, Kindergarteners in the U.S. are taught to conventionally read and write. One of my favorite things about being a Kindergarten teacher is giving the gift of becoming a reader, as it is not one that comes naturally for the majority of children. The most beautiful thing is seeing the wheels turn in a child’s mind when the pieces come together and they are really reading. In that moment, they open up a new world for themselves.

Olivia: Academically, is there anything we should make sure that they know before their first day?

Brooke: The only thing I would tell parents is to make sure their child can read and write their own name. Otherwise, do not stress the academics. Kindergarteners learn so much during the school year. The teacher’s job is to teach those academic skills, the parents’ job is to make sure their child is coming to school ready to learn. That means getting a good night’s sleep, eating a healthy breakfast, and being on time to school.

Olivia: What about socially and emotionally?

​​Brooke: I always tell parents to 1) support their child’s communication skills, 2) help regulate emotions (which is a work in progress for most kids—and even some adults!), and 3) model kindness and thoughtfulness. Let me give you some examples I use with my own children and students:

1. Communication Skills

   Role play scenarios at home will help them express their feelings in a pro-social manner when we are not around. For example, saying “When you did ______ it made me feel_______. Next time can you _________.” Oftentimes children will say “Stop it,” to a peer when that peer is doing something they don’t like (whether it is bothering them, hurting them, etc.) I teach my children and students to be specific in what they want their peer(s) to stop. The phrasing I have them use is, “You need to stop __________(name specific action). They can follow with “I” phrases to move the conversation towards resolution. Conflicts will arise. We as parents provide our children with the tools to manage their friendships at school.

2. Emotional Regulation

   A breathing technique I use in my classroom and with my children is the Five Finger Breathing. Your child takes the pointer finger of one hand and begins to trace the opposite hand. They breathe in as they start tracing at the base of the pinkie finger. They breathe out as they trace down their pinkie finger. They continue to do this over each finger until they reach the base of their thumb. Then they switch hands. This does a few things for them: It activates both the left and right side of the brain because of the cross lateral movement of the hands, it slows down the child’s mind and brings focus to the breathing, and it calms the nervous system by bringing attention to the breath.

3. Kindness & Thoughtfulness

   The way I model kindness and thoughtfulness is the tone of voice I choose to use when communicating with others. Words matter, but tone implies connotation.

As teachers, we support the social and emotional learning that’s occurring at home.

Olivia: Talk a little about opening lunch boxes, going to the bathroom, zippering coats, putting on shoes themselves etc.

Brooke: The ratio for most Kindergarten classrooms is 1 teacher to 22 students. Can you imagine having to open 22 lunchboxes, zipper 22 coats, and being responsible for 22 sets of mittens? I recommend practicing all of these skills at home. Independence is one of the most discussed topics when families come in to meet with me for conferences. Over the summer, work on unpacking and packing up a back pack, learning to use the bathroom without an adult in the stall, opening up food packaging on their own. Kids love to feel grown up and independent. These are easy ways to foster it.

Now if you have a child who is neurodivergent, what they can accomplish independently can look different. For example, if your child has fine motor challenges, zippering a coat or opening up packaging could be hard. That is when you scaffold for your child (ex: starting the zipper and letting them finish) and slowly lift the support as they can achieve the task independently.

Olivia: It’s the first week of school, and our kid is struggling. What should we do next?

Brooke: Give it time. Kindergarten is a huge transition. The school day is longer, there is no rest or relaxing time, there is less play time for children, and the expectations are higher. I would provide lots of TLC time at the end of the day. Try to not pack their schedule with too much at the beginning of the year. End of the day free play is so important! Our kiddos keep it together for the whole school day, regulating their emotions, trying to be a “good” listener, direction follower, and student. When they get home, they will need to unwind and just be themselves. This might look like more meltdowns and struggles, but it is really just our kids releasing the emotions of the day.

If your child continues to struggle longer than a couple of weeks, reach out to your child’s teacher to find out what is happening during the school day. I have had experiences where the child appears happy during the school day, is engaged, making friends, but then going home and telling their parent(s) a different story. Your child’s teacher is with them for 6.5 hours a day, they are an excellent resource into what is happening during your child’s school day. Don’t hesitate to reach out. Parents and teachers are a team and need to work together to support the whole child.

Olivia: What can we do (or do less of ha…) to create a positive dynamic with our child’s teacher?

Brooke: I would always say to be friendly and understanding towards your child’s teacher. The beginning of the year is a hectic time. The teacher is trying to get to know the students, establish routines, and set up the expectations for the year. His/her number one concern is getting the children comfortable and acclimated with the classroom. From my own experience, it is nice to receive an email from parents giving me more insight into their child.

Olivia: Something I think is missing from this conversation is how much our own school experiences affect our parenting during this big year. Any thoughts on this based on all the parents you’ve seen go through it with their kids?

Brooke: Our own experiences affect every part of our parenting! Many children are apprehensive about Kindergarten, especially if they do not know any other child when entering. I have had students who are hysterically crying, not wanting to separate. I’ve had students who don’t even say goodbye to their parents and just march right into the classroom. For those kids that are hysterical, Kindergarten teachers are pretty magical at getting them engaged and the crying tends to cease pretty quick.

What I have observed is that the goodbyes are harder for the parents. I can’t tell you how many times I had to shuffle parents out the door because they wouldn’t leave, even though their child was fine. I always recommend if your child is engaged, that is the time to leave. You say a quick goodbye, a kiss, and head out the door. No prolonged farewells.

Olivia: Did I miss anything? Give us anything else we should know!

Brooke: Our children feel our energy, whether it be excitement or anxiety. Stay cool and calm and your child will too. Kindergarten is an incredible year. This is when children really begin to learn and the growth that occurs between September and June is unbelievable. That being said, Kindergarteners are still just 5 and 6 years old. Learning is a continuum and not all children acquire understanding or mastery of concepts right away. Be patient with the learning and don’t push too hard. Every child will learn to read, write, and do mathematics when their brain is ready!

Olivia: Thank you Brooke!

Brooke Rogosin provides parental coaching and support for families with elementary school aged children. To learn more you can reach her at brookerogosin@gmail.com.

10 Things I Want You to Know

I feel completely differently this year with Penelope starting 1st grade. Really just excited, and confident, based on everything we learned last year. Here are 10 things I want you to know:

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