How We Grow: Sasha Martinez
Telling the truth with my best friend.
“You go to a party, and you're there in the room with some people who are posing and some people who are over in the corner, you know, crying and telling you about their divorce. And I don't know who you wanna be with at that party, but I'll always be in the corner with the person who's saying the real thing.” Cheryl Strayed
I really love the above quote because it reminds me of me and my best friend, Sasha. Except we left that party and started our own. Everyone could cry where they wanted to. We called our party Mondays because we got together every Monday night. Religiously. Our party started when Sasha was in the thick of telling a hard truth: she wanted a divorce. We ordered in, pulled animal spirit cards, cried out loud and laughed out loud too. Everyone who came to our weekly party became better at saying the real thing because telling the truth is contagious.
I can trace back the beginnings of when I started to say real things out loud. I was 22. I had finally gotten a full-time PR job at Prada. It was the job I always wanted. It would have been the quintessential environment for me to hone my people pleasing expertise. But then I met my new manager: Sasha. I had never met someone so unapologetically herself. Our friendship was like receiving a permission slip to stop pretending. 14 years later, she’s the emergency contact on my kid’s school forms. She’s the reason I became someone who people now come to when they want to say something real. In recent years, this real thing is most often that someone is struggling in their marriage. If there was one thing I could give anyone going through this struggle, it would be a phone call with Sasha. This interview is my way of doing that. And it’s not because she’s survived a divorce and made it so beautifully to the other side, but because she’s excellent at relationships (more on that here). Especially the relationship you have with yourself. Enjoy the wisdom my incredible best friend has to offer, and be sure to share it with the person in your life who needs it right now.
Olivia: Someone calls you and says they are struggling in their marriage. What do you tell them?