Under the Oaks: The Money Waves

I'm learning how to ride them.

Welcome to Under the Oaks, a quiet place to sit and read in the Land of Oaks and Roses.

I’m writing to you from a rental in New Jersey because New York City with two kids wasn’t something we could afford anymore. I say this knowing that my life is someone else’s dream. I live in a beautiful, safe place with a huge amount of privilege. But, I want to bring up not being able to afford something that once mattered to me because I think we lose out when we don’t share about this part of our lives. 

I’ve gotten to know my own money waves pretty well. I call them waves because it feels less scary to talk about financial lows this way. Waves are easy to resent (why me!) They are truly uncomfortable. But, I’m learning how to befriend them. It’s hard not to after the unique opportunities they’ve given me. Like the opportunity to ask how wealth got tangled up in how I know myself. Or how I measure my worth. I lost things in the lows. But, I gained things too. Like the ability to find stability within. Like depth in my closest relationships. Like the ability to work harder than I knew I could. I learned that the real work is about more than making money. It’s real, hard work to actually change yourself. It’s real work to love your people well when you can’t find your center.

We all have big feelings about money. Our experiences with money reflect some of the most human-y parts of ourselves: dreams, fears, childhoods, egos, shame, trauma... Financial waves are big and loud and sometimes life altering. But they are never for nothing. They’re a chance to change. They’re where we create the kind of strength that lasts a lifetime. They’re the birthplace of the kind of confidence that doesn’t go away when the things around you do. They’re where you meet the youest you. They expand our capacity for enjoyment. And beauty. A sunset or a bird or a perfect blue sky shines brighter than ever when the waves get big. Everything becomes more beautiful when you need beauty the most. Pause (hard!) and look carefully at the big, scary wave that’s about to crash. You’ll see the sparkle.

Giving Tree

This week’s Giving Tree is Catherine Newman’s Sandwich (so good!) and one of Material Kitchen’s beautiful cutting boards. Paid subscribers, raise your hand (reply to this email) if you’d like them. I’ll pick someone who hasn’t received one of these yet. Thank you, as always, for supporting this newsletter and allowing it to grow!

Texts with my best friend in case you wanted to know how I go from random thoughts to coherent stories like this one!

See you next week!